plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
