i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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