Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
