youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize