Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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