but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
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The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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