3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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