New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
