this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
