I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
