Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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