So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
