Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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