He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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