Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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