peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
