What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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