Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Randomize
