Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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