I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
