I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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