she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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