Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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