imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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