What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
