Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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