You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
