and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
