I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
