Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
