I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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