he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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