She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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