hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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