yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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