I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
