proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize