onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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