I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
