Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
