How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
