Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
