i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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