I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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