I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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