What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
