drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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