She said her name was "party"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
