On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
