I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
