Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize