Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
