Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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