just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
