I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
