Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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