he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
