would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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