I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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