finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
