Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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