she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
