whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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