Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
