Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
