so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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