I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
