she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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