this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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