I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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