i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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