nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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