I met the friendliest cop last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
