We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
