You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
