I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
