he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
