I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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