You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
