It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
