and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
