So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I deserve this hangover.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
