i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
