I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
