yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
